So, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—Elon Musk’s lean, mean, government-shrinking machine—gave you the old heave-ho.
The swamp’s draining, and you’re the collateral damage. But hold your head high, ex-fed—you’re not washed up, you’re just ripe for the Trump agenda reboot. Here are five gigs you can swagger into today, straight out of MAGA playbook central. Buckle up!
Join the Military (Be a Patriot, Not a Paper-Pusher)
Trump’s all about beefing up the military—big, bold, and badass. You’ve got discipline from dodging federal deadlines, so why not trade your cubicle for camouflage? The Army, Navy, or Space Force (yeah, that’s a thing) need bodies to keep America’s enemies sweating. Sign up, salute the flag, and make your old desk job jealous. Bonus: no woke HR seminars.
Learn How to Operate an Oil Rig (Drill, Baby, Drill!)
Energy independence is Trump’s gospel, and oil rigs are the choir. You’ve handled government chaos—now wrangle some black gold. Companies like ExxonMobil or smaller wildcat outfits in Texas are hiring roughnecks to keep the pumps humming. Training’s quick, the pay’s fat, and you’ll be sticking it to the green agenda one barrel at a time. Get greasy!
Welding, Carpentry, Metalworking (Build the Damn Thing Already)
Trump’s pushing factories, borders, and infrastructure—someone’s gotta weld the steel, hammer the beams, and shape the metal. Your federal grit fits right into the trades powering this industrial comeback. Look for gigs at construction firms, shipyards, or even SpaceX if you’re feeling fancy. New industry’s booming—grab a torch and make sparks fly.
Learn to Code (Biden’s Smug Advice, Trump’s Ironic Twist)
Remember when Biden told laid-off pipeline workers to “learn to code” like it was a genius fix? Trump’s crew flipped that into a middle finger—tech’s still king, but now it’s for America First. Use your federal brain to code apps for border security, energy grids, or Musk’s next wild idea. Tech bootcamps are cheap, and you’ll outsmart the libs at their own game. Take that, Sleepy Joe.
Public Sector Accountability Gig (Drain the Swamp, Local Edition)
You have mad government experience that is far superior than anyone’s job in the private sector. Put your money where your mouth is.
Trump’s war on waste doesn’t stop at D.C.—local governments need watchdogs too. Snag a public sector job where you’re the one holding slackers’ feet to the fire. Think state auditor, procurement overseer, or budget hawk roles in red-leaning counties.
You’ve seen the feds’ mess—now clean up the mess closer to home. Accountability’s the name of the game, and you’re the ref.
Wrap It Up, You Deplorable Diamond in the Rough
DOGE might’ve yeeted you from the federal trough, but Trump’s America’s got your back.
You’re not some pencil-pushing has-been—you’re a patriot with skills to burn. Update that resume with some swagger, hit up your buddies (or X, Trump’s fave), and jump into the fray. The swamp’s loss is the heartland’s gain—go make ‘em proud!