The cronapacalypse is upon us and we’re all learning we’re woefully inadequate to survive. As gamers, we trained hard for this. Fallout
, Left for Dead
, Dead Island
and yes, we watched both Zombieland
movies, so we were ready. We knew the importance of the double-tap and how to make a fully functioning energy reactor out of rubber tires and scrap metal laying around the neighborhood. We were set. We were ready. When the coronapocalypse finally hit, we were disappointed to learn that our cases of ammunition and MRE’s were absolutely worthless. We sold the value of toilet paper and hand sanitizer short. We planned safe routes to important areas of interest and even made sure our home was equipped with Ring doorbells and upgraded locks. It turns out, all we needed was a freezer full of frozen pizzas, some rubber gloves, and face mask as we pass the pandemic by continuing to hone our skills for the real deal, which is not if, but when it comes…really.
We all imagined the apocalypse would be different. We thought we’d be strapping our rifle to our back, loading up a few metal cans of gas on the back of our SUV, armor plating a cow catcher mounted on the front end. We have maps in our heads of which local stores we could salvage goods from and we all know that the back office drawer is where you can find the best medical supplies, sometimes a little something extra. It’s not. It’s been a horribly disappointing experience where we sit in our homes staring at walls and honing our skills for the next apocalypse, hoping it doesn’t fizzle like the current one.
